The Somogyi Perspective

Where have I been?

Working on designing a casual table-top card game, that’s where! You can check out some info about it, as well as a bunch of photos, over on Google+. (Sort them by “Most Recent” or else they might make less sense they already do.)

It’s called “By Trick Or By Treat”.

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Since getting my new phone, I’ve noticed that several words have been added to my autocorrect dictionary. Some are misspellings that I inadvertantly “accept”ed, others are because I have an X-Men Recap Blog. Some of them, I have no idea why they’re in there. Anyway, here’s the list (minus a few stupid “real word, just capitalized”). You might enjoy it:

amex

Annadale [my hometown!]

aoa [I have no idea what this means]

arkham

avi [the file type, obv.]

BAFTAs

bien [oi! en francais!]

BLT

buble

Cerebro

Chia

cosplay

Costas [Bob? Again, no idea why I would have typed this]

cyberno [the one I am most proud of]

ded [as in D.E.D., DEAD!]

doofus

Downton [No, I do NOT mean “DownTOWN Abbey” GOD!]

DVRd [to use a set-top recording device to record The Bachelorette]

eBayed

Fwew [my trademarked sigh of relief sound]

gollum

gots [as in: I gots to get PAID]

Hahaha

HAR

Havok [Cry Havok, and release the X-Men of WAR!]

huffpo [I hate myself for using that]

im [IM, probably]

ims [either the pulral of above OR a bad contraction of “I ams”]

ios

iOS

ish [a 2-for meaning “issue” and “-like” eg: comic ish]

larious [abbreviation of “hilarious”]

legos

lte [had to be added, even though I have a 4G LTE phone. Verizon Fail.]

marsden [yeah. What?!]

Mesmero

Moop

muties [slang epithet for mutants in the Marvel Universe (did I mention I have an X-Men Blog?)]

Namor [Lord of Atlantis, ‘natch!]

Natch

natch

Neeeeerd [like a nerd, but moreso]

oa [No idea. A Who’s The Boss reference?]

Okee [normally followed by “dokie”, but THAT didn’t get added. Weird.]

Pchow [???]

PCP [angel dust? I do not remember writing that - possibly the result of PCP?]

Pinterest

PINTERESTING [I can NOT believe I wrote that, even if it was as a joke.]

prophecise [thanks, fat fingers, for making me add a spelling error to my CORRECT dictionary!]

RAZR [As I use a RAZR phone, this is another huge failing on the phone’s part…]

Reow [like a cat]

sammich [my trademarked spelling of sandwich]

sayin [again, another attempt at slanguage in texting]

Smaug

Sned [I’s LIKE to image this is an epic mis-type of “ends”]

sommerjam [hello!]

speeking [did I ever tell you I’m a TERRIBLE speller?]

spidey [thwip]

Stemlesss [refering to wine glasses … for snakes?]

suuure [sarcastic form of “sure”]

Tetchy

Touche

trask [inventor of the Sentinels]

unionize

Unus

villian [having this added was a real pain - not knowing the correct spelling, my phone would now auto-correct to the wrong spelling.]

Voltron

x-men

wematt [mistype of “xematt” - founder of X-Entertainment and Dinosaur Dracula]

xmen

Ziti [I’m Italian?]

zune

Me: “My heel hurts when I walk without shoes on.”

Dr: “Do you have hard wood floors?”

Me: “Yes.”

Dr: “It sounds like you have plantar fasciitis.”

Me: “Yeah … that’s what my wife said.”

Dr: “Oh? What does your wife do?”

Me: “She has plantar fasciitis!”

Then we laughed.

(Well, at least I did….)

This morning, I realized something:

Verizon has decreed that “All new phones on our network shall be 4G!” which had made people speculate that the next iPhone is CERTAINLY going to be 4G this time. Right?

Well … 

We know that Apple put a 4G antenna into the iPad 3 (The new iPad, 3rd-generation iPad, whatever) but that device has the luxury of being large enough to squeeze in a lot of batteries to keep up with the power demands of 4G. 

And we know that Apple hates - HATES - going backwards, so they will not release a next-gen iPhone with worse specs than the one before. (Could you imagine? On stage at the keynote? “And the iPhone 5’s battery life…er.. it’s *coughcoughcough* MOVING ON!” Would not fly.) No. They would want the iPhone 5 to have as good, if not better battery life than the 4S. 

So, what are they to do if they can’t figure out how to get a 4G antenna AND keep the same long-lasting battery life that they have in the current phone? 

They could: 1) NOT release the iPhone 5 “on schedule” in their regular yearly cycle, either pushing it back or skipping a year all together or 2) Release an iPhone 5 for AT&T only, and let Verizon customers suffer a bit. 

In either case, people would go nuts. Neither is a good solution for Apple. 

How much do you want to bet that their engineering team are having sleepless nights over this very problem? 

I just read “Time Gentlemen” by Craig P. Kelly.

But more on that later! First, a story about ME! (Don’t like it? Well, then, you shouldn’t have told me, all through my childhood, that I was special and that people would one day care what I had to say … MOM!)

To begin, I’ve told Twitter to send me an email every time I receive a new follower. (What does THAT say about me?!) We’ll leave that, for the time being … but it’s important to know, otherwise the rest doesn’t make sense.

The other day, I saw that a chap named @CraigPKelly started following me. Part of why I have Twitter send me the emails is so that I can read my new followers’ bio. This gentleman’s read, “Craig P. Kelly is a 30-something bald chap who needs to get out more. He is the author of Time Gentlemen, a time-travel comedy featuring Jack & Joe.” (the emphasis is all mine, for effect.)

“I LIKE BOOKS!” I shouted in my brian and immediately downloaded the sample for this novel. And that, friends, is how I came upon this book. So, authors, let this be a lesson to you: Follow me on Twitter and I might just read your book! (There might be a bigger lesson in here about self-promotion and “getting your name out there”, too, but - again - this is ALL ABOUT ME!)

Ok. Now that you’ve read “Issue 0” of this story, here’s a bit of a review I wrote. It’s cut-and-pasted from my 5-star* (FIVE STAR!!!) Amazon review, so if you already read it there, well, you can skip this chunk of blockquote-tagged text: 

“Time Gentlemen” by Craig P. Kelly:

Often very delightful and frequently outright hilarious (I laughed out loud several times, and that sort of thing just doesn’t happen to me) it’s full of wonderful turns-of-phrases and word-plays. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the passage about the one brother catching a clock pendulum “like a gentleman”, for instance.

The best part? Unlike so many others who try writing humor only to turn out prose which is strained and awkward, Mr. Kelly’s writing feels effortless and smoothly funny. (Sure, I MAY have rolled my eyes at one or two jokes, but I still enjoyed those laughs too, despite myself.)

Is “Time Gentlemen” without flaws? No. But it’s a great first novel and I can’t wait to see what else Mr. Kelly has for us. So, go on! Read it! It’s fun.

*Those that know me (yeah, how well do you REALLY know me?! Like, would you be safe if I pushed the “button” on the eponymous box in the movie “The Box”?!) will know that I only give 5-star reviews to a very limited selection of books, after they have withstood an arbitrary “test of time” period that I make up in my own mind. And now I’m giving “Time Gentlemen” and instant 5-stars?!

Well, to be honest (and I’m sorry Mr. Kelly, if you’re reading this) “Time Gentlemen” is not really a 5-star book … but it IS HIGH FOUR, for sure. I gave the Amazon review five full stars because I want people to read this book. A lot. (AND I want a lot of people to read the book.)

I want Mr. Kelly to see five stars and be inspired to write a second book for me to enjoy. (emphasis mine)

So to those people who are confused over my 5-star rating I say, “shut up!” It’s MY arbitrary system that I can choose to warp however I want to whatever devious ends.

Also: Are you still reading this blog post? “Time Gentlemen” is way funnier. And it’s only $2.99 for eff’s sake, so what have you got to lose? (Well, if you hate it, one could argue that you’d lose $2.99 and the respect for me as a book reviewer, so we both lose. I’ll take that chance.)